Breaking the Girl
by SavingTheRest
Summary: "Listen to me. I want you to go, don't turn around or listen, don't come back. "His eyes closed and when they opened all I could see was everything I wanted from him. His hands framed my face again. "I love you.  Don't forget that, Bella. I. Love. You."


**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything related to Twilight. All of that belongs to Stephenie Meyer. If you recognize a character, situation, etc…most likely isn't mine. Song lyrics are by the Pixies but the version is Emily Browning's.

**Note: **This is alternate view to New Moon. I know it's been done to death but I'm putting my idea out there. It begins in April after Bella left school in October. She's been "away" from Forks for the last six months. This is a mystery/drama/romance is Bella/Edward.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Where is my mind (Emily Browning cover of the Pixies)<strong>

"I was swimming in the Caribbean  
>Animals were hiding behind the rocks<br>Except a little fish, but they told me  
>He swears he was trying to talk to me, to me"<p>

"_Where are you?"_

"I'm in a room. It's dark but I can make out shapes."

"_People?"_

"No. Its columns; they stretch to the ceiling. There are mirrors on the walls. Things begin to look familiar but it's still too dark to know why. There's a door…it's open. Something is flickering or it's a lamp. I need to see what's in there."

"_Are you scared? Comfortable? Do you feel safe?"_

"Scared—I'm scared. It's hard to breathe. I can feel my hands shaking. There's someone here with me. I shouldn't be here but I have to do something. He's angry—mocking me. I'm running from him…trying to get away but I can't. Before I reach the door he grabs me."

"_Who grabs you?"_

"I don't know. I can't see his face. All I know is that he wants to hurt me. I keep trying to get away from him. He's too fast, too big, too angry. I wish he was he to stop it."

"_What happens next?"_

"I'm lying on the floor, in pain and bleeding. My arm hurts. I can see glass on the floor. I'm on the floor. He threw me I think. I try to get up again but he hits me. It gets harder to see. My leg is throbbing and I can't stand. My arm is burning."

"_Keep going. You're almost there."_

"I'm in the woods now. The air feels damp. Everything seems murky. I can hear birds. We've been walking for awhile."

"_We? Who are you with?"_

"A boy. He's in front of me talking. When I step closer to him he moves away. I'm trying to get him to understand me but he doesn't. I reach out to him. I feel like I'm being torn in two. I reach for him again but he moves away. I see him shake his head and turn. I start yelling but he leaves."

"_What are you trying to get him to understand?"_

"I don't know. I'm just reaching for him and crying. He leaves me there. I watch him leave. I'm alone."

"_What happens then?"_

"I wake up."

"There are some new elements to your dream. The woods have made an appearance and you mentioned a different person in the beginning."

"That's where they found me." I look down at the frayed hem of my jeans and pull on one of the strings. "I still don't know why I was there." Closing my eyes I can still see the trees surrounding me, the dim light filtering through the leaves and limbs. I can still make out the figure of the boy but the important details are still blurry.

"What about the person? You mentioned a new boy. Do you know who that was?"

A string pulls loose and I begin to wrap it around my index finger. "I think it's the boy from the woods. I was waiting for him to show up, but part of me didn't want for him to be there." Looking up I'm met with the Doctor's steady gaze and the tapping of his pen. "I don't know who he is or why I wanted him to stay away…to stay safe."

"Maybe you're not meant to know."

"What? But it has to mean something."

"Not really; it could be just that…a dream. Maybe he is just a way for you to feel safe or to feel hopeful of getting out of the situation. The dream of the mirrored room is just a dream, Bella. It's your mind's way of dealing with the situation that brought us here."

Silence settles once again in the room and return to picking at my jeans. On the right knee there is the beginning of a hole and I can almost squeeze my pinky through it.

"Bella, I think we've come to our end here. I've done all I can to help. It's all you now. Your next step is to return home."

I look back up at the man sitting across from me—Dr. Witterbourne. He looked like your typical shrink—grey hair, beard, sweater vest, glasses, kind eyes, legal pad and pen. The only other thing he could be confused for is a college professor.

For the past six months I had spent the better part of my weeks speaking with him in this office. We started out talking about my parents, my childhood, and the move to Forks, why I felt the need to move, and what happened to lead me here.

That last part I almost had figured out. The dream of being attacked and then suddenly being in the woods had to mean something…a metaphor for whatever event occurred to cause this. As he had said—it was up to me now.

"_Really_?" I couldn't help the smile that appeared or the anxiety that was rising up. After being within these walls for all these months, I had become comfortable knowing that the only things that could get me here were my dreams. It took me awhile at first but I trusted the nurses and doctors here. I didn't speak to many of the other patients but a couple had become friends. The tight schedule of therapy and 'school' had also eased my uneasiness of being here.

From what I could remember about my time in Forks made me uncomfortable. All I knew was that whatever I was dreaming about held the key to me finally understanding why my parents agreed to send me here. What had drove me to that state of panic, sadness, and breakdown.

"I believe that by going home you can find the answer you need to complete all of this. It's in _you_ Bella, not here in this facility or during our talks."

I didn't know whether to jump for joy or ask for more time. I chose to pick at the sole of my shoe instead. "So I can go…now?"

He smiled at me and led me to the door. "They have already called your father. He should be waiting."

I looked up at Dr. Witterbourne, "Thank you."

"You have my number if you need anything. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it."

"I won't." I shot him one last smile before heading back to my room.

I didn't have much to pack up since Charlie did the packing for my stay. There were just some photos off the crumbling corkboard, a few articles of clothing, books, and my iPod. I threw it all into my duffle the nurse handed back to me. After that I took off to the doors and stopped before I hit the outside.

I could see the sun creating shadows on the pavement.

The sun was always a good sign.

Waiting on the other side was Charlie standing by the cruiser.

Once through the doors, I made it down the stairs with only one minor stumble and headed over to him.

"Hey." I couldn't help the smile on my face.

He returned it with a nod. "Hey there kiddo." He offered an uncomfortable one arm hug. "Ready to go?" Charlie looked a little nervous to be taking me home. I didn't blame him. I was in pretty bad shape the last time I was home. He was probably expecting me to fall apart again.

To tell the truth I was too.

The proverbial other shoe will drop.

"Yeah, I am." I quickly pulled the passenger door open after he took my bag and got settled in. As I watched my father walk back around to his side, I noticed that he'd changed. He seemed thinner. There were a few grey hairs showing up within the brown. His face showed worry lines. I cringed as I looked out the window knowing that I caused all that.

When he clicked his seatbelt I turned to him. "I'm sorry Char…dad." My voice sounded small and weak.

He started to reach out a hand to me only to pull it back. "It's over now. You're better and coming home." He started the car and pulled away from the curb. "It's good to have you back Bells."

I closed my eyes and exhaled. "It's good to be back."

When I opened them all I saw was the passing green of Washington.

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><p>I spent the weekend unpacking the few things I brought home and getting settled in. On Sunday I asked Charlie if he had told the school I would be returning. When I didn't get an answer, I turned away from the stove to see his tense face.<p>

"I'm okay to go back, dad. I want to." I added a smile and hoped that I looked excited enough to convince him. I actually did want to go back but I was nervous about how it would all go over. It would almost be like being the new kid again only this time everyone knew why I was gone for over six months.

Charlie cleared his throat before speaking. "I talked to them about you finishing the year out here at home. It worked well for you at…" He waved his hand around as his words trailed off. He was still uncomfortable about the elephant in the room.

"It worked because that's what I had to do. You weren't exactly allowed out for school visits." I knew my voice sounded harsh but I couldn't help it. "I'm going back…tomorrow. There's no since in putting it off, I have to face the public sooner or later."

"If that's what you really want, Bella."

"It is." I placed another smile on my face before turning back to our dinner.

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><p>The overwhelming sense of déjà vu took over as I pulled into the parking lot at school. Same truck, same backpack, same people standing around wondering why I was here. I could see Jessica, Lauren, and Mike standing over by the picnic tables. All their eyes were on me as I headed towards them.<p>

I had no idea why I was going over to them. Normally I would just go inside first and avoid the coming conversation as long as possible. Instead I was heading right into the fray. I could feel the anxiety building.

I took a deep breath, repositioned my backpack and smiled. "Hey." I ended up throwing a wave in to look excited to be back.

Mike spoke first. "Hey Bella, you're back!" Always the overeager one.

Jessica and Lauren shared a look (raising their eyebrows, nodding towards me, signaling each other to say something) before resting their eyes back on me. "Wow! You look great, Bella. I mean you're so thin and…and…"

That Lauren sure did know how to make friends. "Thanks, they don't really splurge on food in that place." Might as well confirm the rumors and show no fear.

I watched all of their eyes grow wide. Mike seemed to have swallowed his tongue.

Jess chose to speak first. "Oh! You mean that you were actually in, I mean you were staying at that place?"

I looked at my feet before answering. I knew once I said the words that it would be around school before second period. Meeting their eyes I answered, "Yeah, I was there."

There, it's out there. They can all judge all they want.

I felt Mike touch my shoulder. "If you need anything, I'm here." He smiled. "I have all the notes still from this year. If you need them I'm your guy. We can be study buddies."

Lauren snorted.

"Thanks, Mike."

The bell rang then relieving me from further conversation about my stint in the crazy house. I turned with the three and headed inside. Luckily I had managed to keep all of my classes from the beginning of the year even though I was away. And since I maintained the course work while I was gone, I shouldn't be too far behind. That meant I wouldn't need to take Mike up on his offer of notes or study buddies.

We all ended up splitting in the hall of building four. Mike and Jess headed off to Calculus while Lauren and I had English. Needless to say not much was said. I had to bite back a remark that her hair was growing back nicely. When we got to the room her voice startled me.

"So he really did a number on you didn't he?" She had turned in the door blocking my way in.

I shook my head and asked, "Excuse me?"

"I mean we all knew he wouldn't stick with you. You were just the new girl. Lord knows I never saw the attraction to you." She smiled before tilting her head. "What really surprised me though, was you being sent off because he left you and then you went and lost it." Her smiled turned wicked before she turned to leave me in the hall.

My mind was racing. What was she talking about? It was obviously about what had happened. He? Was that the boy in the dream?

I could feel panic setting in. I was growing numb and having trouble breathing. Dr. Winterbourne's voice reminded me to take deep breaths and focus. _You're at school. It's just Lauren. She's never liked you and has never had a problem with being catty. This is just her trying to be above everyone._

The hand on my arm startled me back to the present.

"Hey it's just me." I turned to see Angela beside me. "Are you going in?" Her face showed that she would stay out in the hall with me as long as I need.

"Yeah, I was just…"

"Reeling from Lauren's over enthusiastic welcome?"

I nodded. "Basically. She hasn't changed."

I heard Angela snort. "Like anyone expects her to? Come on, there are two seats in the back."

I let her guide me into the room and refocused myself. No matter how hard I tried though Lauren's comments lingered. What did she mean? Could it possibly have something to do with what I needed to finish? _You could always ask Angela._ She would know and tell me. Question was did I want to know? _Can't stay in the dark forever. Truth will come out somehow._

I could keep myself from the truth for as long as possible though. It was safe here not knowing. _I_ was okay not knowing.

Because what if I figured it out and I just broke again? What if I had to go back? If I knew, would I remain forever broken then?

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><p>Leaning against my bedroom door I sighed. One day down-way too many to go. Letting my backpack drop to the floor, I headed over to computer to email Renee. Allowing it boot up, I left a message for Charlie at the station that I had made it through the day and was home. I also let him know that I would be making steak for dinner. He'd be thrilled.<p>

Finally my computer allowed me to type a quick message letting Renee know that I was fine.

_Mom,_

_School was the usual. It was good to see my friends. Have a ton of homework. House is a mess so I'll have to get on that soon. How did Charlie live before I moved here? I'm making steaks for dinner. Hope all is well there. Tell Phil hey. I'll call this weekend. I love you._

_Bella._

After that was sent off, I pulled out my calculus that mocked me. Math was never my favorite subject so I wanted to get that out of the way. The reading of Hamlet for English was much better so I'd finish up with that.

After twenty-five math problems I decided it was time for a break and to fix dinner. It wouldn't take long so I could get back to the reading I needed to do. After baking a couple of potatoes, steaming some broccoli, and cooking the steaks, I called Charlie in from the television and whatever game he was zoned in on.

Talk was practically non-existent during the meal. I told about my day in positive but few details while he explained a case he was working on. After a couple of comments on how much he enjoyed dinner he went back to his game. I, on the other hand, quickly cleaned up and headed back to my room.

Once I stepped my foot inside, my desire to get back to the homework left. It was replaced by Lauren's words.

'…_being sent off because he left you and then you went and lost it.'_

'…_he really did a number on you didn't he?' _

Who was she talking about? Was I with someone? Was the boy in the dream real?

She kept talking about a 'he' and him leaving me. Why had no one talked to me about it? This had to be the missing piece Dr. Witterbourne wanted me to figure out. I still didn't think I was ready to though. It scared me. I didn't want to go back to who I was. That was my fear.

_It won't hurt to research a little though. If it gets to be too much you can stop._

Where to start though? Lauren made it sound like I was with 'him'-like I was in a relationship. It had to be because why would I have reacted like I had if it had been anything else. I had never been the type of girl to react to situations in that kind of dramatic fashion.

So if I was in a relationship with someone, I would have something showing that. I looked around my room. There had to be notes, pictures, some sort of items proving that there was an actual 'him'. Where would I keep things like that? I hadn't ever been in a relationship before so I had no starting reference.

Looking around the small, dimly lit room my eyes landed on the bookshelf by the window. Heading over I grabbed the photo album that was laid across the tops of my Bronte collection. Settling on the window sill, I opened it to the first page. There was no picture. I flipped through the book and found nothing. Sighing, I started to close it, but right before the cover shut I saw something. Opening it back up, I glance down. Something had been there. I knew that for a fact because underneath where a photo had been was written:

"_Edward Cullen Charlie's kitchen Sept. 13"_

I had a name. The panic rose up again. The name sounded familiar in a way, just on the fringes of my memory, but I couldn't grasp it. Who is Edward Cullen?

I quickly threw the book to the floor as I tried to catch my breath. Closing my eyes, I began to think of anything but that name and what it could mean. I focused on the thought of being outside with the sun on my face. I could practically feel the warm rays on my skin and the dry breezes ruffling my hair. _Deep breaths in and out._ After a few minutes I began to calm down. Just as I got up to head over to my bed the window rattled making me jump.

Looking out I could see the tree branches waving in the wind. "Looks like more rain." My voice sounded weird in the silence of my room. I turned to head back to the bed when a flash of lighting lit the view outside.

In that moment I saw a figure sitting there staring back at me.

Gasping, I backed away before walking back to the window. It was dark now and I could barely make out the shape of the tree. The storm was heading in fast and making it hard to see anything.

Reaching over to my right I searched for the lamp located there. Feeling my fingers gripping the knob, I turned lighting the room as well as the window up.

I still couldn't see much. Stepping closer to the window, I pressed my face to the glass forming my hands around my eyes. I waited. Finally another flash lit up the sky.

No one was there.

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><p>Sorry about the line breaks, wouldn't let me do anything else.<p>

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